Our friend, let’s call her Irene, passed away just about this time last year. I remember there was snow on the ground on that raw winter evening when we got “The Call.”
Irene was a remarkable woman in many ways. She lived a full life for over 80 years-loving her family members, and her church community. She worked in education and then health care, fields that allowed her to be self-sufficient while helping others at the same time. After retiring from paid employment, she was an active volunteer in her church, at a charity kitchen, and also various thrift shops. In her quiet yet direct way she encouraged friends and acquaintances to enjoy the benefits of volunteering, too. Words like caring, kind, loving, fiercely independent, and practical would fit her well.
Irene proved how much she loved her family and friends right to end with her thoughtful and clear planning. Yes, she had an up to date will, her insurance and annuity beneficiary arrangements were current, and she had created an advance directive or “living will.” But it didn’t stop there. She made sure her friends and relatives knew what her final wishes were, not only in terms of who would receive what, including her beloved pet, but also what kind of medical treatment she did and didn’t want. Because she lived alone, Irene did not want to leave anything to chance.
What a blessing! That day came when family and friends became concerned as Irene wasn’t following her usual routine and she wasn’t answering her phone. When the rescue squad was let into her apartment she was found alive in her favorite chair but unresponsive. The rescue squad took Irene to the ER, and a neighbor who had been briefed in advance, took her call list instructions off the refrigerator door and began calling the relatives and friends she wanted notified immediately.
When we got the call we rushed to the hospital. A family member and the minister were already there. Very shortly the emergency room doctor spoke to us. Irene had suffered a massive brain hemorrhage from which she would not recover. The doctor’s first question was, “Do you know if she has an advance directive?” We all answered yes. Irene had clearly stated the types of treatment that she did and did not want, and her wishes were followed.
Yes, we grieved the loss of a good friend. But I believe everyone’s pain was reduced by knowing that Irene did not experience prolonged suffering, and that she did it her way. Because of her careful planning, frank talks with her family and friends, and thoughtful notes on the refrigerator, the problems that might have caused lingering regrets were avoided. When we celebrated Irene’s life at her memorial service a month after her death, we shared warm stories on her well lived life, and expressed genuine gratitude for her final gift to us all, her planning.
Note from Senior Ministries: It can be difficult to start conversations about preparing for the end of life. But these conversations, along with thoughtful planning, can become the greatest gift for your loved ones, your caregivers, and yourself. Senior Ministries will be sponsoring a program entitled Final Affairs: Planning is a Good Thing on March 14, 2015 from 9 a.m. to 12 noon at St. Luke’s, Montclair. The program will include presentations on elder law, hospice and bereavement, and other end-of-life issues. The program is free and there is no pre-registration. Please join us. If you would like additional information, send an email to communications@slechurch.org.
