A home that was ideal 10, 20, or 40 years ago may no longer be the right fit. What once was a wonderfully spacious home with room for a growing family could have become an overly large home crammed with years of collections, with stairs too difficult to traverse, and isolated from needed services.
Often, a friend, neighbor or family member may notice a gradual change in someone who lives alone. Perhaps they become more reclusive, appear to lose significant weight or seem less focused. Perhaps their hygiene has declined, or the home is appearing unkempt. Perhaps they mention that they have not been out in a while, or that they have been eating poorly, or that they don’t see family or friends as often as they would like, or that they have untreated health issues, or that they have difficulties with everyday activities, or that they need assistance getting to doctors’ appointments. All these are points of concern which may suggest that living alone is no longer the best situation, as needs are no longer being successfully addressed.
Too often seniors become prisoners within the homes they once cherished. If a current home is not meeting current needs, it’s time to consider a new housing situation, one specifically designed to address the needs of seniors and those who are disabled.
Overcoming resistance
Moving is frequently resisted, with typical objections:
Fear of the unknown. Even if someone agrees they are not getting all their needs met where they currently live, fear of the unknown can inhibit further action. Ways to address this include listening to their primary concerns and addressing them by helping them get information about residential options, including touring potential communities and speaking with the community relations department, social workers, and nursing staff.
Financial issues. A very valid concern, but not a reason to ignore needs or make assumptions about costs. Most seniors spend a great deal of money trying to get their needs met while living at home. Those who move to a senior community find that these needs are addressed and costs are grouped into three primary payees: the community (which covers all utilities except for phone), the phone company, and medical bills. The reduction in the number of bills can be tremendously helpful in reducing money management confusion. Individuals who have Medicaid may be eligible for care and support in certain assisted living or nursing homes that accept Medicaid as full payment.
Memories and keepsakes. Most of us gather a lot of stuff over time, and while some of it is junk, much of it holds important memories. The idea of going through decades of memories can seem both cumbersome and emotionally overwhelming. Sorting takes time, but family, friends, and paid assistants such as senior relocation specialists can assist in identifying what is important to the individual, and what is no longer necessary. Being realistic is challenging, and typically easier with a kind and patient assistant.
Knowing that items associated with strong memories are passed down to a younger family member or friend can bring relief and allow release of many important items. Creating a photo album of important keepsakes that cannot be moved allows the memories to be maintained, even as the items find new homes. Items no longer needed or wanted but in decent shape may be given away to a church thrift store or picked up by a charitable service.
Getting rid of items that are no longer necessary or wanted can be very freeing for an individual, and provide the satisfaction that objects that still have purpose will find a new home and be appreciated. The reward is going through and cleaning up one’s home, revisiting years of memories, sharing memories and items with important family members and friends, and seeing that other items find a new and better home.
Where to move?
For some, a smaller home, apartment or condominium may meet their requirements, particularly if all landscaping and maintenance are handled by someone else and there are no stairs to climb to access bathrooms or bedrooms. For others, community living such as a continuing care retirement community, senior cooperative housing, shared housing, or assisted living community may be the best choice. A google search using these terms and the zip code or town one prefers will provide a list of options to consider.
Wherever the move, the experience is indeed exhausting emotionally and physically. While seniors often take time to transition, once they have rested, eaten well, socially connected with a new group, and received attention from trained staff to ensure needs are met and desires are addressed, they tend to improve physically and emotionally.
The benefits of finding the right residential fit
Relocating typically provides numerous benefits in activity, socialization, mental health, and physical health. A community setting is likely to increase access to a variety of interesting activities, as well as the opportunity to connect with others who share similar interests. New opportunities, reconnection with familiar activities, and increased physical exercise all improve well-being. Increased social contact in turn improves mental health, promoting joy and expanding the senior’s sense of purpose through relationship with others. Depression, which is common among seniors living alone, is less frequent among those living and participating in community. Additionally, senior communities typically maintain a professional staff trained to identify signs of depression, promote treatment, and engage residents in community activities.
In addition to mental health issues, physical health issues are attended to directly by professionals providing care and referring to other appropriate professionals. As polypharmacy and medication problems are major issues for many seniors, increased attention to proper medication regimens can result in a reduction of the number of medications taken, as well as serious complications including falls and hospitalizations. Seniors living in a community setting are more likely to take their medications at the prescribed times and doses, maximizing the positive impact and improving health. Additionally, medication side effects and negative reactions are more likely to be addressed when professional attention is frequent.
Another positive impact of community living is better nutrition. Cooking for oneself can be tiresome, and getting proper nutrition can be difficult. In a community setting with a dietician and trained chef, meals include proper nutritional value as well as being appetizing. Also, most people eat better in the company of others than alone.
Some may think moving only happens overnight when there is a crisis. Crisis moves restrict options and shouldn’t be the goal, although such moves are necessary in specific situations. The best relocation is a process requiring time and consideration of options. Housing should meet the individual’s needs at the current time, and with consideration for likely future needs. Making the right match reduces stress and can improve health and happiness dramatically, increasing quality – and often quantity – of life.
There are many senior communities, and many senior professionals to assist in the process of information gathering and discernment. Making the right choice can be difficult, but rationally evaluating the current situation and the benefits of a new situation will enable a good decision.
All of us want to be in a location which works for us, and where we feel valued. When we are in that spot, we do better. Moving to the right location typically improves the independence of the senior, by providing the necessary support and attention to issues that were burdensome when living on their own, allowing the senior to focus their attention and energy on areas of interest and strength. Sometimes, moving is the better, healthier, smarter, happier choice.
Marymae Henley is a member of St. George’s, Maplewood and of the Senior Ministries Commission.
