Several days last spring, the people of the Diocese of Newark gathered to witness a moment of transformation. What they were about to see had been done countless times in countless places around the world, a simple action that nonetheless had the power to affect not only the lives of those who undertook it, but those who saw it, and even those yet unborn.
In the expectant hush of the assembly, one by one the men and women who had chosen to do so came forward and knelt before the bishop. Having publicly reaffirmed their baptismal vows and declared this as their intent, they felt the bishop’s hands on their heads as he prayed for the Holy Spirit to strengthen and keep them on the path they had chosen. And by that simple act of Confirmation, Reception, or Reaffirmation, neither they, nor those gathered, nor the entire Church, would ever be the same again.
Nearly a third of those who were confirmed, received or reaffirmed in the Diocese of Newark this spring were adults, who had come by many different paths into the Episcopal Church. Their decisions were made thoughtfully and prayerfully, and not only reflect how their personal histories and journeys in faith led them to this place, but also suggest what it is about the Episcopal Church, and its manifestation in the Diocese of Newark, that drew them here. Moreover, the excitement and enthusiasm that many of them bring into their new communities of faith point to how the public act of Confirmation necessarily changes the body into which they are received; their gifts and insights are like new yeast which continues to leaven the faithful. Here are a few of their stories.
“Intellectual challenge – and good music”
Jean & Caroline Bucquet
Caroline and Jean Bucquet were regular churchgoers in the United Church of Christ (UCC), but they felt something – or maybe, many things – were missing. Caroline’s father had been a Roman Catholic and her mother had not really had a religious tradition in her family. After her parents married, they chose the UCC as the faith in which to raise Caroline. Jean had been born and raised in France, but at an early age became disenchanted with the Roman Catholic church, mainly because of its ban on women clergy.
When Jean and Caroline married, they became active in the UCC, but found it to be ultimately unsatisfying. “It was not very challenging intellectually,” Jean explained. “It almost seemed more like a club, for socializing.” Caroline added, “we were looking for a place with more spirituality, as well as a good-quality, classical music program.” They tried the Methodist church for a while, but still didn’t find what they were looking for.
Then last October a friend suggested they try visiting St. Peter’s Church in Mountain Lakes. “It was wonderful!” exclaimed Caroline. “The service was wonderful, the music was wonderful, the people were welcoming – and the clergy were great!” She and Jean were greatly impressed by the openness of the congregation and their efforts to make them feel at home. It didn’t take long before they decided this was what they were looking for. “We joined the choir, we felt energized, we were getting our spirituality fed; we just never looked back,” said Caroline.
But it was during Jean’s hospitalization about six months after they joined the parish that made him realize they had truly made the right choice. “I was in the hospital, and on Sunday afternoon, the clergy came to visit me; and not only that, they brought me Communion. I am 60 years old, and never before had any clergyperson visited me in the hospital. They were the image of what clergy should be, living out their faith. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt this.” They both have been won over by the generosity of spirit they have encountered, and their enthusiasm spills over into their joy in sharing their journey with others. As Caroline put it, “The Episcopal Church found us when we were ready.”
“Where everyone is embraced as full members”
David Hertel & Brian Eslinger
Brian Eslinger came to the Episcopal Church two years ago, having been raised as a very active Roman Catholic. His partner David had been raised Methodist. After they became a couple, they worshipped in the United Methodist Church, where Brian continued his lifelong pattern of active participation in congregational life and leadership. While he knew that the national denomination was not fully supportive of gay and lesbian equality in the church, Brian experienced the local congregation as quite welcoming, and he was able to be active in all areas of lay ministry. For over a decade, this was a satisfactory spiritual home for him; but two years ago, the defeat of Marriage Equality in New Jersey became a watershed event for him.
“I looked at how much so many religious communities had done to defeat Marriage Equality in this state, and I just could not go back. I said to David, ‘I’ll go back when you can find me a church that embraces everyone as full members of the community.’ He came back with the Episcopal Church.”
Brian and David began attending the Church of the Annunciation in Oradell. He admits that he went in with certain preconceptions of Episcopalians as being somewhat stiff and stuffy, but he soon found those fears unfounded. “The community seemed to embody a sense of openness and diversity, they were asking, ‘how do we touch people’s lives for the better?’” Even more impressive was the fact that not only was the rector openly gay, but openly partnered.
However, it was attending Diocesan Convention that fully won him over; he saw that the spirit of great hope and sincerity he had experienced in his local parish was indeed a hallmark of the entire diocese. “After that, confirmation just seemed like a natural thing, an opportunity to recommit to my baptismal vows, to commit to the work of the Episcopal Church. Confirmation is a perfect opportunity to confirm not only who we are as Christians, but who we are called be and what we are called to do as Christians.”
He added, “I feel thankful for the openness and love of this diocese and this church. The Episcopal Church lives out the Gospel message in a way unlike any other denomination I have experienced.”
“I missed the ‘Holiness’”
Janet & Al Vidovich
Janet Vidovich didn’t like to feel like a second-class citizen. Raised as a Roman Catholic, the Church was always very important to her; and it remained important to her as she married and bore two children. And it was still important to her when her marriage ended in divorce; but after that, it seemed that she was not important to the Church. Because an annulment of the marriage would be dishonest and damaging to her children, she felt she would be no longer welcome.
“It just didn’t seem right that a murderer who went to confession could receive Communion, but because I was divorced, I couldn’t,” she said. She later married again, to another Roman Catholic, and when they had their own child, she knew that they would need to find a different faith tradition in which to raise him. So, for the next 30 years, she and her family attended the local Methodist church.
But through all that time, something didn’t feel right. As a musician, she was attentive to the way the surroundings and atmosphere can contribute to, or detract from, an experience; and her experience of church seemed somehow too ordinary, too everyday. “I missed the ‘holiness’ I had felt in my childhood,” she explained. To attempt to regain the sense of spirituality that was lacking, she even tried attending a “Bible church,” but that didn’t fill the void either. One Methodist pastor who came to lead the congregation did introduce something of the communal spirit that she was looking for, but it did not continue long after his later departure.
She later was introduced to the liturgy of the Episcopal Church through a friend who was the Director of Music at a local parish. Janet liked the certain comfort and familiarity it had for her, but it was when friends invited her to St. Peter’s, Mountain Lakes, that she knew her search was over. “The architecture, the music, the ritual, it was all there,” she explained. “It was so much like my childhood; I felt happy, spiritual, and at home, as if I’d found my destination.” And when she was confirmed in the Cathedral, she discovered that she was far from alone: “all those people, gathered together to witness what you are about to do; you know you’re in a holy place.”
Janet says she has been truly changed by her reception into the Episcopal Church. Rejected by the Roman Catholic Church, not truly being fed in other traditions, for so long she felt “like a person without a country. Now, I have been officially accepted – at home.”
“I am loved and accepted – and blessed”
Gregg DeVasto
Gregg DeVasto learned early in life what God wanted and expected. In the Roman Catholic grade school he attended, and in Sunday Mass with his family, Gregg was nurtured with the rigorous “dos and don’ts” of the Church’s doctrine. And during his childhood, he was very comfortable with that. But in his teenage years, questions began to arise.
“I started wondering about the question of who was acceptable to God and why,” he explained. “As a child I was taught that God loves everybody; but I was also being taught that if you didn’t attend Church every Sunday and didn’t contribute to the collection plate, that you were a sinner and not acceptable to God. Since my family had certain financial circumstances and could not put money in the plate some Sundays, it was very humiliating for me as a teenager to hear what seemed like threats to expel us. When I graduated high school, I left the Church.”
In the years that followed, Gregg continued to consider himself a spiritual person; he prayed regularly, although he never even thought about church at all. Yet somehow, he felt that something was missing, something he just could not explain or identify; it was like a piece of a puzzle that wasn’t in place.
Then about two years ago, he was invited to attend the Civil Union of a gay couple who were his friends. The service was held at Christ Church in Glen Ridge, and as he sat there, Gregg was amazed that here were two men wanting to share the love they had for each other, and that the Church was there celebrating that day with them. “Where was the exclusion of my Church?” he asked himself. “It wasn’t there – only love and acceptance!”
In that moment, it all became clear for him. “I knew at the instant that I finally found that missing piece to my life. It was like coming home again. Here I was in God’s house and I was loved! I wasn’t being excluded for who I am. I wasn’t being excluded for who I loved.”
The welcome he received after the service led him to take up the invitation to come back; and each time he did he felt the same welcome and love, as if he were family and there had always been a place for him there. When the opportunity arose to prepare for Confirmation/Reception, he didn’t hesitate to enroll for the Inquirer’s Class so that he could learn more about the Church that had so warmly welcomed him. “Being received was a way for me to thank God for bringing me home,” he said.
Two years later, Gregg remains at Christ Church, a Vestry member and a very active parishioner. But being received is still significant for him. “That is, without doubt, one of the most important moments in my life. It was validation for me that God loves me and accepts me, that the Church loves me and accepts me. Isn’t that what everyone wants in life, to be accepted and loved? I am living proof that the Church loves and accepts all! I am truly blessed.”
To which the Church surely replies, “so are we.”
Reaffirming who we are, who we are called to be, and what we are to do – the public commitment of Confirmation, Reception, and Reaffirmation is on its surface a seemingly simple act. But just as the small and innocuous mustard seed will grow to become greater than its appearance would ever suggest, so too does the mature, intentional act of saying “yes” to God. It puts roots deep into the community, and the nourishment and support from that lets spirits soar and reach like great branches into the sky. Each individual confirmed or received has the chance, not only to grow themselves, but to support, teach, and nourish others, so that all may “daily increase in the Holy Spirit more and more, until we come to God’s everlasting kingdom.”
This article was also published in the September 2011 issue of The VOICE.
