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Senior Moments: What I learned during my husband's three surgeries in eight weeks

Author Catherine Murray with her husband, Ray.
By: 
Catherine Murray

Three years ago, my husband, Ray, who was 73 at the time, had three surgeries in eight weeks over the summer. One surgery was planned, and the other two were not. To say that I learned a lot would be a gross understatement. I decided to make a list of everything I learned, in case my husband or any other loved one was ever in and out of two hospitals, two Intensive Care Units, two Emergency Rooms and rehab again.

My husband’s first surgery was planned. The procedure was a very invasive five-hour surgery, known as an open abdominal aortic aneurysm repair (open AAA), which involved replacing his abdominal aortic artery. We were told that the recovery was eight to 12 weeks. We deliberately planned the surgery for the summer, as I am a teacher, and wanted to devote all my time to taking care of my husband during my time off. We were prepared for the week-long stay in the hospital, including two days in intensive care.

I couldn’t wait to get Ray home. Boy, was I in for a shock! He was terribly weak, not eating or drinking much, and sleeping about 18 hours a day. He also had lost 20 pounds. According to Ray’s doctors, he was progressing well. I didn’t think so, but I wasn’t the expert. I was just the wife.

We weren’t prepared for the kidney stone that developed three weeks after the surgery, because Ray was so sedentary and wasn’t drinking enough fluids. What ensued was nothing short of catastrophic. We spent two consecutive days in two different Emergency Rooms, getting his kidney stone diagnosed and treated. I called 911 for an ambulance the second morning, as Ray was grey, shaking, and had a very rapid pulse. Thank God I did. It turned out that the kidney stone had lodged itself in his kidney and started a massive infection that spread like wildfire around his body in 12 hours. He was septic.

This kidney stone led to Ray’s second surgery, which was done on an emergency basis. The surgeon inserted a stent between Ray’s kidney and bladder to get things flowing again. Because Ray was septic, the surgeon could not remove the stone at that time. Subsequently, my husband spent two days in intensive care, four more days in the hospital, and eight days in a rehab unit. He had now lost about 25 pounds.

By this time, Ray was put on so many medications I could barely count them all. I made a chart, listing the medications, their generic names, the dosages, the purposes, and the time of day he should take them. I gave copies to all his doctors, and brought the list with me to both emergency rooms. Ray came home from rehab with even more medications, so I amended the list.

The third surgery came two weeks later to finally remove the pesky kidney stone and replace the first stent with another one. This surgery was done on an out-patient basis, which suited us both fine.

Here is my list of all the things I learned:

  • When you have a loved one who is in the hospital, you need to be there as much as you possibly can, to advocate for him or her. The person in the hospital is in no condition to advocate for himself or herself.

  • Hospital staff may not always be thinking of the best discharge plan for your loved one – and discharge from the hospital can happen very quickly. None of my husband’s doctors or nurses ever suggested that my husband go to rehab after his first surgery. I now know that this was a huge mistake. I INSISTED that Ray go to rehab after the second surgery. This was all my idea, and I really pursued it and made it happen.

  • If your loved one is going to be in the hospital for even a few days, get a private room. You and your loved one don’t need to put up with another patient and his or her family. We had a negative experience with one patient and his noisy family, which convinced me that it’s worth it. We had to pay an extra $200 per day in our case, but it was money well spent.

  • Hospital food was tasteless to my husband and seemed to have little nutritional value. Bring in good healthy food if your loved one can have it.

  • In between intensive care rooms and regular rooms, there is a level of care called step-down rooms where the ratio of nurses to patients is not as high as in intensive care, but not as low as in a regular room. A step-down room is a great way to get more care than in a regular room.

  • Every hospital patient has a Case Manager, who assists with insurance and getting people into rehab. Find that person, get his or her name and direct phone number, and make sure you are both on the same page.

  • The Charge Nurse is in charge of all the nurses and can really get things done, more so than the regular nurses. Introduce yourself to the Charge Nurse and let him or her know what you need. Most Charge Nurses are incredibly helpful.

  • Question EVERY medication your loved one gets in the hospital and EVERY medication prescribed on discharge. Look them up on the web, and pay particular attention to the side effects of each of them.

  • You have to ask the doctor when it is okay to STOP taking some or all of the medications. Somehow, they seem to forget that your loved one is on lots of medications, which all have side effects.

  • Make sure you as your loved one’s advocate are at every important meeting with his or her doctors when he or she is in the hospital, and when your loved one comes home, and has doctor’s appointments. You need to be there to advocate for what is best for your loved one.

  • If you or your loved one will be staying for several days or more in the hospital, there will be a lot of intravenous lines involved. Someone should have told us to shave the hair on the back of Ray’s hands and his arms. Some of the most painful moments, believe it or not, came from removing the tape used for the IV lines, when the lines came out. Major ouch!

All in all, I learned a tremendous amount over the course of that summer about health care, hospitals, emergency rooms, rehab places, and healthcare professionals. I have tremendous admiration for doctors, nurses and other healthcare workers. I know I don’t want to be a nurse or a doctor. I will leave that field to the people who are as passionate about healthcare as I am about teaching.