Why am I such a poor listener? - Meditation for Sunday in Lent V

For many years now my daily practice has been to read the appointed lessons and then to record my response/reaction to those lessons. Some days I gain insights, but on other days the lessons raise more questions than they answer. When asked to write a Lenten meditation, I thought that I should write a more polished piece. However, after struggling for days to understand what I should say about the lessons, I decided simply to respond to the lessons as I normally do in my journal.

Psalm 118 calls us to give thanks to God for his steadfast love. I recall verse 24 as the refrain to the Psalm on Easter Sunday: “On this day the Lord has acted; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” However, verse 5 seems to fit how I’m feeling right now—in a tight space. I feel like everything in life is pressing me down. The Psalmist says that God provided him wide-open spaces when he was “in tight circumstances.” Why am I not allowing God to widen those tight spaces for me?

In Exodus, Moses has just seen the burning bush and heard God declare himself to be “I Am.” Now God wants Moses to go back to the elders and with them ask Pharaoh to let the Hebrews leave Egypt. God even tells Moses what is going to happen, but Moses gets stuck on his own inability to speak well. In Exodus 4:12 God says to Moses that he will open his mouth and teach him the words. We know the rest of the story; we know that God does deliver the Hebrew people from their bondage. Why then do I cling to my own insufficiencies when God offers me all that I need to do what God asks of me? Why do I refuse to accept the help?

There’s so much in Romans chapter 12 that I don’t know what to write. We’re not to conform to this world but to be transformed by renewing our minds. We’re to stand our ground in trouble. We’re to devote ourselves to prayer. We’re to use the gifts God has given us to build up the body of Christ.  We’re to overcome evil with good, leaving vengeance to God. Why then do I waste my energy fretting about wrongdoers instead of allowing God to change me for good?

Finally, in John chapter 8, Jesus and the Pharisees are engaged in a battle of words. In verse 47 Jesus says, “God’s children listen to God’s words. You don’t listen to me because you aren’t God’s children.” These words bring me up short. Why am I such a poor listener? Why do I so often speak my own words, rather than listening first and allowing God to speak through me? In verse 58 when Jesus finally says, “I Am,” he ends the exchange with the same message Moses heard in Egypt. The Pharisees are unable to hear Jesus for who he is and even pick up stones to throw at him. Jesus’ words bring us full circle to Moses’ experience in the Exodus account, the difference being that Moses accepted God’s declaration as truth and empowerment. What will my response be? Will I hear the “I Am” when it’s spoken to me, or will I walk away?

The readings for Sunday in Lent V are Psalm 118; Exod. 3:16-4:12; Rom. 12:1-21; John 8:46-59; and can be found at satucket.com/lectionary/2lent5.htm.