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Whatever did you mean, Jesus? - Meditation for Tuesday of Advent I

Whatever did you mean, Jesus?

Whatever we ask in prayer,

In faith,

We will receive?

I don’t think so.

That hasn’t been

My experience.

Or is my faith so small

As not to count

Among your promises?

You can be impatient, you know,

Just ask the fig tree

That you withered

Because it was not ripe

With fruit for you.

Will you do the same

To me?

It is Advent,

And I want to long for you,

Not to hide from you.

Besides, there is no place to hide,

No place where you are not.

That should be comfort.

Even in Advent

As we await your coming

You are already here.

I have faith in that.

It would be nice

If you answered all my prayers

Like some Almighty Santa Claus,

But I get it,

You are the answer to all my prayers,

Just not the answer I expected.

That’s the trouble with expectations,

Isn’t it, Jesus,

That we sometimes miss the gift

Because we are looking for

Something else than you.

The readings for Tuesday of Advent I (01 Dec 2015) are:

Psalm:5, 6
OT: Amos 3:1-11
NT: 2 Pet. 1:12-21
Gospel: Matt. 21:12-22

and can be found at


This sounds very familiar to me and my thoughts. And I am reminded of Psalm 139 (my favorite). I cannot hide and I often have doubts but I always have a longing to be in God's presence.

Going through many losses this year and this speaks to me. It can be hard to have faith and believe. It is so hard to just wait for circumstances to change but when I fill with anxiety it is enough to say have faith then I do feel better.

If you have enough faith, you will get what you ask for -- you're not getting what you ask for, ergo, you must not have enough faith. How to have MORE faith, when it feels like prayers aren't answered? How to make yourself have more faith at all (be like the Cowardly Lion "I DO believe in ghosts, I DO believe in ghosts")?

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