The seemingly small choices that I make each and every day add up to a lifetime of my identity. Who I am and whose I am are reflected in the choices that I make. Even more telling of my character are the choices I make while under stress, in despair, or in waiting. Pregnant times of anticipation and anxiety in my life are like subterranean pressure on carbon. It is uncomfortable, indeed, sometimes unbearable, dark, and disorientating. It is easy to lose sight of my goal, the light at the end of the tunnel, when I am in the depths of such delay. In this dim wasteland of my waiting, I can get distracted or even forget for what it is I waiting. “Why am I even doing this? Is all this worth the wait?”
Yet, experience is the foundation for my choices. What happened the last time I had to wait? Did I stay focused on the Light or did I (as the author of 2 Peter warned) lose my own stability? Did I base the next right decision on promises made to me by the Holy One who has already traveled through my valley and come out on the other side? Was I able to maintain a life of holiness and godliness with each small decision that I made, slowly groping forward toward the Light?
Based on my past experiences and an intimate relationship with G-d, I have the freedom to make my own decisions and choose how I will respond while I wait. These choices build upon one another to solidify my existential understanding of my own belovedness. My hope is in the Lord, even while I wait for the Lord. In anticipation of redemption of my dark night, I choose how to take my next step forward, hoping to find and be found by my Beloved. Could this be what the author of 2 Peter had in mind as we are encouraged to be found at peace, growing in grace and knowledge while we wait?
What are you waiting for? What choices are you making while you wait? What kind of life are you creating by the choices you make in anticipation of finding and being found by The Beloved?
The readings for Thursday of Advent I (03 Dec 2015) are:
OT: Amos 4:6-13
NT: 2 Pet. 3:11-18
Gospel: Matt. 21:33-46
and can be found at www.satucket.com/lectionary/2Advent1.htm.