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Not Just Spouses: a reflection by Louie Crew

Ernest and Louie
By: 
Louie Crew

Cherish is not just a vow; it is also a good idea.

More than 25 years into our marriage someone asked Ernest and me who Kim Byham is, and I explained, "Kim Byham is my best friend." Later when we were alone, Ernest said, "I know you are close to Kim and I rejoice in that. But I am surprised that I have never heard you name me as your best friend. You are my best friend."

There was no meanness, no 'gotcha' in his countenance, just gentle, loving vulnerability.

I could say nothing for a long time, and when I did, I acknowledged that I had never thought of him as my best friend, that it was not just a mistake in my choice of words.

Over the next few months I concluded that I was valuing marriage too much if I let being a husband so absorb me that I never even recognized Ernest as my best friend. I noted that he had indeed always treated me as his best friend without stopping for a moment in being my husband.

I'm still working on the challenge, and have been much blessed by it. One minor example. Ernest loves Japanese food. It's never been at the top of my list, yet for more than dozen years now, it has been a great pleasure to me to be the one to choose a fine Japanese restaurant when it is my turn to choose where we will eat out. Again and again with joy I watch him attack trays of raw fish with a twinkle in his eyes, especially the double portion of eels, his favorite. And he beams when I insist that he eat a huge chunk of my crab cake.

I rarely order tempura anymore, because I have actually grown to like some sushi.

Most important, I have the great joy of taking my best friend to a place that he will enjoy the most.

On February 2, 2013, we marked the 39th year of our marriage. That's fine. Finer still is daily to celebrate being best friends.