It’s called secondary gain – getting so wrapped up in negativity that you get something positive out of it. I have a friend who described this rather dramatically: “if I feel this good when I am feeling miserable, think of how much better I will be when things get worse.”
I have played the secondary gain game. Lots of people do. Anne Lamott certainly knows of it. She has played it. She calls it “psychic diverticulitis”. (Page 63, Help Thanks Wow.) And she finds gratitude to be the corrective for it. Gratitude is peace; and gratitude is wonder. “In fact, you are able to use the word “wonder” again, even feel it, without despair that the New York literati or your atheist friends will find out and send you into exile.” (Page 63.)
Gratitude can be an important gateway to freedom.
Any other practices for how to extricate oneself from secondary gain?
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Marinating in one's own bile seems undesirable, yet it remains a popular pastime. Taking a few moments to jot down things to be thankful for is a pleasant-sounding and rare practice. Why? Hard to say but, the more I do the latter, the less I do the former. Maybe we're just wired funny.
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